The Dating Scene.

I want to preface this post by saying I came up with the idea to write this about two months ago. Recently I’ve been graced with the most wonderful boyfriend in the whole wide world. Will I be talking down on dating for the majority of this post? Like yeah probably but what I say has absolutely nothing to do with my relationship. What I write in this post is simply the things I’ve learned from being a teenage girl trying to survive living and loving in this generation. Ugh I sound so old saying that but the absolute horror of dating in this day of age is REAL.

I feel like something I’ve seen on social media a lot recently has been about dating in this generation. It’s mostly about how social media and comparison kills the connection. 

The first victim of this post: Snapchat. Oh how I hate Snapchat. Realistically there isn’t anything inherently wrong with the concept of Snapchat, sending photos of yourself to communicate with your friends, but the way it is used in the context of dating is crazy. The whole meet-cute ruined by Snapchat thing bothers me more than it should to be honest. I have nightmares of being in a relationship with somebody and being in love with them and then being asked “How did you guys meet?” and my answer being “Snapchat”. Like, “Oh yeah he added me by mention and I left him in my quick add for about 24 hours because I can't be desperate (duh). Then I added him back and he dmed me asking me what I looked like. But he didn’t really think to write it out, it was more like ‘wyll’.” This is the man you are in love with? I mean no shame honestly, if that's how it happened then that's how it happened but wow. I also don’t like Snapchat because it’s considered some sort of fall-back option. People will be in a relationship for months and end it because they can “find somebody better” and then proceed to add every person on their quick add. The horrible thing about this is that it works. It isn't limited to finding somebody to date, but also finding somebody to “get with”, or somebody to have fun flirting with. Snapchat is simply a sad replacement for genuine relationships and connections. 

Generally the dating scene for teenagers isn’t bound to be the best thing ever. Only 10% of high school relationships last long enough to get married. This is all to say that the teenage dating scene only gets worse when you live in Los Angeles. The guys here are absolutely insane. I have so many horror stories but there is one very special one to note: In January I went to a party. It wasn’t anything crazy, nothing happened. At that party, my friend introduced me to his friend. His friend was chill, he’s a cool and creative guy but not necessarily my type (if I even have one at this point). He asked for my Instagram in what I thought was a completely platonic and friendly manner so I gave it to him. Let’s call this guy “Crazy LA ‘Cool Boy’”. Somehow Crazy LA “Cool Boy” found my Snapchat and added me. How he found my Snapchat was beyond me but I applaud him for the dedication. Crazy LA “Cool Boy” started Snapchat DMing me regularly and liking my Instagram stories. If you are unfamiliar with the current Instagram flirting rules, boys think liking Instagram stories counts as flirting (it doesn’t lol). Crazy LA “Cool Boy” would consistently ask to hang out with me. I agreed to hang out once out of the 15 times he asked but never went through with it because he graciously changed our plans at the absolute last second. Somehow our plans went from simply hanging out to meeting him at the Griffith Observatory to “chill” and uhhh do other stuff. I fell asleep before he pitched this plan to me and woke up to this amazing idea (I would’ve said no even if I was awake to see the text at 11:39PM). It’s been nine months since the one time we met in January and he still texts me asking if I'm free. There’s a certain point in time where we just give it up. Somebody could have conceived a baby and given birth to it in the same time that I’ve been rejecting him. You hear that? A human life was formed while I had no interest. I want to say there is nothing wrong with this guy but there is a lot wrong with him. That's okay though! One day some girl will want to meet him at the Griffith Observatory at midnight to “chill” and do other stuff with him. The point is that being invited to “chill” with some Silverlake-type guy who gets high off art (and other things perchance) at a landmark in the Hollywood Hills is outrageous and a little too Los Angeles for me. Wishing all the best to this guy and his health! 

People make jokes about the “Sassy Man Apocalypse” but nothing about it is a joke. It is a very real thing. I wouldn’t even call it the “Sassy Man Apocalypse”, more like the “Sassy BOY Apocalypse” because no real man acts this immaturely. I’m not quite sure where to begin talking about the atrocious things that have been said to me. Uhhh me when I tell a guy who begged to date me for two months straight that we should hang out at least three times before we actually date and he looks at me like I committed a crime? :/ FIRST OF ALL: You should hang out way more than just three times before you start dating somebody. I’m not sure where my standards went when I said that but clearly they descended into the depths of hell. SECOND OF ALL: The crazier thing was his reaction to me asking to hang out before we date. He said “we have to hang out three times? That's outrageous”. Hate to break it to you but nothing about my ask was outrageous and the only outrageous thing was your response. I pray for the girls who will date you without hanging out with you (if there are any), they are survivors. Also me when my ** ditches me at a football game then proceeds to get mad at ME for it? You did just leave a girl who wants nothing to do with football at a football game. This action leaves her officially miserable. Hope this helps! Anyway, he screamed at me for hours over the phone for being upset that he left me alone at a football game. While he was getting mad at me he claimed he had “receipts”, more specifically, “a whole cvs receipt” (:0) worth of me trying to use being a girl against him. Not to be messy but every point he made in that (one-sided) argument was completely and utterly wrong and useless which never left me desperate enough to use my femininity as an excuse for his craziness. Both of these experiences: #neveragain.

Outside of guys generally being crazy, I feel like the media has marketed dating as something “necessary” for teenage girls. All the posts of the “teenage love aesthetic” on Pinterest or the pressure to have a homecoming date because that's how it looks like in the movies. This is me telling every teenage girl alive that you seriously do not need to date. Do not go out of your way desperately searching for some prepubescent boy who thinks that he knows how to “love” you. They almost never know. These are your teenage years. Make friends, do the cute activity ideas you see in all those girlhood TikToks, and live without a teenage boy inflicting the most absolutely crazy problems onto your life. You have your entire life to date, I promise you. Focus on your schoolwork and studying. Try out the random hobbies you saw in the American Girl Doll movies you used to watch growing up. Spend some time connecting with nature and your family. Read a book! These all work in replacement for chasing after a teenage boy. If you find a good guy who you genuinely like and want to be with without any weird intentions, go for it. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Think about that saying but also remember that your love and time is extremely valuable; don’t go out handing it out to anybody. 

My main piece of advice for dating as a teenager (and I think you could apply this even after your teenage years)? Never settle. Have standards. If somebody 1. Cannot meet your standards and 2. Doesn't want to meet your standards (HEAVY ON NUMBER TWO), they are not the person for you. If it is not them it is somebody else. If that guy doesn’t want to give you his hoodie, the next guy will. If the next guy can’t commit to a relationship, the next guy will want nothing but a relationship with you. And if that next guy has no respect for you, the next guy will. And this last guy will be amazing and perfect and everything you could’ve ever asked for. He’ll give you his hoodies, want to date you more than anything, respect every part of you, and so much more. The wait is so worth it. Just wait. On June 14th, 2024, I posted on my Instagram spam story saying “I am no longer accepting flirting via Snapchat. If you want me you better show up to my house with flowers and take me out. Hope this helps”. Let’s just say, if you want something enough, you might just get it (I know I did). I was just scrolling on Instagram Reels and saw a video of this girl being so happy because she got flowers. I thought it was so cute and it reminded me of how much I love flowers and then I looked up and saw the beautiful bouquet I was given. Then I turned to my left and saw the homecoming proposal poster made for me. This blog post is mostly about the craziness in teenage dating but I wanted to allocate some writing for a thank you to the absolute best. To love is to know and I am so grateful to be known by you. Thank you for everything you have done for me.

So, did I just blast some of the most insane things that have ever happened to me while “dating” as a teenager? Yeah… but laugh. It’s pretty funny. One thing we learned from this blog post? Don’t do anything that might send you into these absolutely God-awful situations. They are funny to look back on but not funny to experience. Praying for all the teenage girls stuck in the weird cycle of teenage dating. Please make it out of this warzone safe and alive.

Best, 

Eila