Me, Myself, and I

…”Solo right until I die, ‘cause I got me for life,” Do you get the reference (Me, Myself & I by G-Eazy & Bebe Rexha)? About a year ago my bestest friend ever (just kidding) told me I loved others more than I loved myself. I am a lot of things but I’m primarily a thinker. With that being said, after he told me that I sat with that thought and took it to lunch. Initially, I did this to prove to myself that what he said wasn’t true but I very slowly realized… maybe a man could be correct…? I know. I was shocked too. In all seriousness, I decided to make some changes in my life because it’s extremely unhealthy to love other people when you can’t find love for yourself.

The truth is that almost nothing in life is guaranteed. Your friends will talk badly about you, that boy won’t stay forever, and even your family can turn on you. Through all of that, all you have is yourself. I guess you could try to turn on yourself but it would be like a dog chasing its tail. Anyway, if through all of these losses you don't have yourself, the process of healing from it only becomes so much harder. 

Loving yourself is NOT. SIMPLE. It takes years to perfect the art of loving yourself. Here are some of the important things I've learned about loving myself in just the past year:

How are you planning on loving yourself but have little to no respect for yourself? Do not let somebody tell you that they don’t want you twice. STAND UP. They are not confused, they just don’t want you. And that’s okay! You are not meant to be everybody’s cup of tea. If you were, what would make you as special as you are? Respect doesn’t just stop at romantic feelings: Why are you letting your friends control and walk all over you? Again, STAND UP. Your friend praying for your downfall is not normal. Your friend defending people who have bullied you is not normal. But why are you letting those people bully you? Stand up. Those people have no respect for you and, through their actions, are trying to get you to lose respect for yourself. Don’t let it happen. 

Change. Change is okay. I’m not its biggest fan but I understand where it's needed. How about where it's not needed? Why are you changing your whole personality to appeal to others? What? During sophomore year I witnessed my bestest friend ever (seriously this time) become a whole different person and it was heartbreaking. I watched him change his whole personality for his friend group and push his boundaries to the point he burnt out. One of the most profound things I’ve ever said to somebody is what I said to my friend when he told me he was struggling: “You are too full of life to be somebody’s maybe”(I got that quote from one of those depressing TikTok quote slideshows but it's still a great saying and has truly stuck with me). You are human and full of life and complexity and that character shouldn’t be limited depending on who you surround yourself with and the validation you receive from them. This validation might make you feel good for a week or so but it doesn’t stick – it never does. You will always know those people are only accepting of the version of you that you, quite literally, fabricated. Find people who love who you are without unnecessary change. Somebody supporting your authentic self will make you feel 100% more accomplished and thus make you love your(true)self a little bit more. 

Be unapologetically you. This has boundaries. If you are an inherently wrong person, just apologize and grow – actually, this post could help you! Great, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way: the people who really do love you will love you unconditionally. It doesn’t matter what you’ve gone through or are going through. It doesn’t matter what you look like that day. It doesn’t matter how you’ve decided to dress. Somebody who loves you loves your soul and all the weird kinks that come with it. I remember when I was struggling with my mental health, so many people started to avoid talking to me. I vividly remember one of my best friends saying “You just aren’t funny anymore, Eila”. At that moment, I apologized for my lack of humor. And at the age I am now, a year older than I was then, I realize that person didn’t love me. The people who do love me love me when I’m funny and when I'm unfunny and they love me because they like loving me. I like loving me too. And I refuse to apologize for somebody’s lack of love towards me ever again. You are who you are and should never apologize for that… again, that has its boundaries.

Surround yourself with people who love living. Something I’ve noticed from being a high schooler is that so many people wake up anticipating a bad day. Then again, some people wake up expecting a good day. This is not to say you have to wake up every day seeing rainbows and butterflies, but the people who wake up anticipating a bad day usually end up in a bad mood and are not the best people to surround yourself with. You might not realize it immediately but those people’s bad moods rub off on you and worsen your mood. On the bright side, if you surround yourself with happy people you, in turn, will be put into a happier mood. If you look forward to living, loving yourself will become easier as you are the biggest aspect of your life. Don’t get that confused with life in general because all life does not revolve around you – sorry!

But how do you love living independently? Do what you love despite what people think. I know that sounds really hard but it gets easier the more you do it. Again, this also has boundaries. Please do not go out and about doing bad things just because you love it. Wear your hair the way you want to wear it. Dress the way you want to dress. Spend your time doing things that you actually like doing. If you like painting, paint. If you like running, run. And if you are scared of people judging you for doing what you love, know they are the freaks for judging you. Just imagine how crazy they look sitting at home with nothing better to do than to judge you for painting. Yeah. They look insane. As the years go on, people will (hopefully) start minding their business more. And if they don’t, just understand that you'll always be the bigger person and they’ll always be behind. I know the people who read these blog posts and make fun of them and the common ground between them is that I don’t actually know any of these people and don't care about them. So why would I care about their opinions? I don’t. You shouldn’t either.

The past 5 notes I’ve made about loving yourself have been about loving who you are internally. What about externally? My only and biggest piece of advice on this is the second you love who you are internally is the second you start gaining love for yourself externally. If you love your content, you will gain love for your cover. Then again, looks are so superficial. I swear I have never seen anybody so inherently “unattractive” that it stopped me from talking to them. 

Loving yourself and finding peace within yourself isn’t a depressing thing. In fact, nothing about this post is depressing. Learning how to love myself was the most valuable and beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me. Give yourself time to process and understand who you are and who you want to become. Learn your strengths and weaknesses and improve on both. 

I like to joke with people that their biggest competition in trying to spend time with me is myself. I love being by myself and the peace that I provide because that peace is so unique and irreplaceable. Love yourself not because you have to but because you are all that is guaranteed in your life.

Best,

Eila