Love Loving

“If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”

– Love Actually (2003)

I used to be a life hater. In all fairness my life gets compared to A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017). This comparison makes sense given that the weirdest, most unfair, and ironic things happen to me. Like seriously. That all goes to say that I'm converted. My life can still be A Series of Unfortunate Events but I’m now a life lover. On March 17th, 2024 I discovered the song “Live Well” by Palace. If you haven’t heard the song I highly recommend giving it a listen and pay close attention to the lyrics because I swear they changed my trajectory on life. I remember waking up the day after and in the most cringe but literal sense ever telling  myself “Today is going to be a good day, tomorrow is going to be a good day, and every day after that will be too because life is good”. To go outside and feel a cold breeze but know an apocalypse hasn’t taken place because oxygen is still in the air is a blessing. To have an education and enjoy that education with some of your closest friends is a blessing. To come home after a long day to a roof overtop your head and a warm bed is a blessing. To be alive is a blessing. You’re bound to have rough days, weeks, or even months but life always gets better because life is good. I’m a firm believer that everybody ends up where they are supposed to be in life. Some have to wait a little longer, some might have it easier, but the beauty of it is the peace you feel once you’ve reached that point. 

Today is Valentine’s Day and so I write about all the things I love to love.

I love to say my first loves were my best friends. It was the Summer of 2022 and I was in Forte Dei Marmi with my wonderful friend, Sofia. We were sitting at a restaurant when she started taking actual candid photos of me. When I saw her camera up and in my personal bubble I questioned why she was taking a photo of me and she said it was because I looked cute. That was the first time I felt truly loved by somebody. Love is built up by the small and big in life but I’m always one to emphasize the small. Love is when I let Diya call me to play Roblox even though I’m not a fan. Love is when I let Annabelle sleep on my shoulder during school assemblies. Love is when I let Sofia yap about which fruits we would be if we lived in fruit land. Love is when I show up within the hour whenever Anju texts me to hang out. Love is when Lauryn and I reminisce on the past 5 years of our friendship for the 50th time this week. And love is when they download TikTok videos before sending them to me so I can actually watch them (I don’t have TikTok which makes me automatically better than you). My life is full of love because of my friends. To be frank, my friends are the loves of my life. They are the most beautiful people I know, inside and out. I have a hidden Pinterest board where I pin gift ideas for all of them. I make sure to send them birthday texts exactly at 12AM (even if they are in a different time zone). I take them out to lunch, wine and dine them ;). I buy them small knick knacks I see around and know they’d like. I spoil them, but only because I love them. They are my one and only. Please don’t tell my boyfriend. 

I grew up with a book called I Loved You Before You Were Born written by Anne Bowen. This book, short and simple, has truly stuck with me. I love thinking about my future and when I get to be a mom. I’m no prodigy but I learn songs from The Sound of Music (1965) on the piano to play for my future children as their lullabies. I have a playlist of songs I already associate with them. I go thrifting with my friends and see the tiniest baby clothes and think about how I would dress them. I close my eyes and imagine a life living in the middle of nowhere, my two children, my husband, and one or two dogs. I think about slow mornings and days laying in grass fields. To dream about my future and being free. To dream about picking up painting and learning how to make cute cappuccino designs. To dream about carrying sewing and pottery with me wherever I go. I love thinking about the future because I know what and who I have will be exactly my type. My type of husband, my type of social scene, my type of children. I love knowing things will change.

I’ve always been drawn to nature. Not in a “I want to climb Mount Everest” way but in a “let’s go outside and pick flowers” way. When I was a toddler, I’d go out into my backyard and pick up bugs to keep in a plastic container covered with saran wrap. I would create little habitats within these containers, adding tiny branches, leaves, and dirt. I would also poke holes in the saran wrap so the bugs had a way to breathe (duh). I particularly liked rolly-pollies, they were easier to pick up since they would get scared, enter their shell, and not exit until hours later. I liked picking flowers and giving them to my mom to put in her hair. I liked making fairy potions. I love nature nature but I love human nature as well. To feel empathy – to cry when you see your loved ones crying. To jump to look out for your friends quicker than probably necessary. To get gut feelings. This earth is beautiful and amazing but what makes this earth so special are the humans on it. 

I love romance novels, movies, and everything. If you know me well enough you know my favorite movie is The Notebook (2004). Yes, I'm basic. Yes, I’m boring. Sue me. The whole movie is just so beautifully pieced together. It’s the type of movie that reminds me that true love is possible. To have your person. I have my person. He’s a little bit of a confused person but I love him nonetheless. I love longing for romance. To hear their voice or just see them walk past. I think what's so nice about what I have is that I have a crush. I get giddy and annoyed and jealous but it's just because I have a crush. Am I obligated to have a crush? No, but I like it better this way. I love searching up “boyfriend gift ideas” on Pinterest just to be shown the same coffee maker, pomade, and workout machine and be left to actually brainstorm. I love thinking about date ideas. I love reading a quote and connecting it to the romantic love I feel. I love a simple love. The type that you just know. The type that is said with just a look or smile. I love blushing and I love getting called out on it. I love scrolling on Instagram Reels and seeing two bunnies in love and sending it to my person saying “literally us”. In my head we are basically those two bunnies in love. You always think the world has run out of romantics until you meet somebody and your life is surrounded by romantic love. To be surrounded by it is a blessing. 

To be loved is to be known and I’m so grateful to be known by the best. 

Best,

Eila